Before and After

July- The Hospital Tour- my latest Pregnancy observations....
How often did you all, as new mothers-to-be haveyour moments of paralyzing fear when the full gravityof what was about to happen- what you were reallygetting yourself into and there's no turning backreally hit you?
Mine, well, has occurred many times, but reality hit me again Monday night. Our first hospital tour of the maternity ward was at7:30. I’d been looking forward to it for weeks.I had visions of Travis and I baby-bonding over our birthing classes starting with the great hospital tour. I think I actually pictured us holding hands skipping down the hallways. It’s been on my calendarfor weeks, and I reminded Travis about it every fewdays. "Don’t be late from work, today is our hospitaltour." I proclaimed when he called me at lunch to say HI.
OF course dinner was late, and we were stuck intraffic behind a car accident on the way. "But it’sour HOSPITAL tour, we can’t Miss it!" I kept sayingwaiting for Mr. Policeman to let us take our turnthrough the traffic.
We scooted in late to a room full of other women with large protruding bellies. It was pretty funny tobe in a room of women all rubbing their stomachs, leaning back to take the strain off their backs, andcomplaining about needing to pee. Kind of reminded meof cows lounging around in a field. I must say, I was a little disappointed with the maternity ward compared to the fancy new one at Radford where we would have delivered had we stayed in Virginia. But, I told myself, I shouldn’t complain, Icould be in a third world country having to carry water on my head and deliver in a hayfield somewhereall by myself with no epidurals at all.
The nurse escorted us first to the triage room. She had a lovely sing-song voice (She’s done this toura million times) as she described how in this room they’d be taking our vital signs, blood work and if wewere in a lot of pain, they’d give us something totake the "edge off" but that it would be a good hourbefore we’d get the epidural.
AN HOUR?? AN HOUR OFEXCRUCIATING PAIN? I'm already making plans in my headto order ether from Canada and bring it in myovernight bag. Nurse then led us down the hall to the labor anddelivery room. I, and the other large women waddleddown the hall behind her like the march of thepenguins.
"And this is where it will all happen," Sheproudly exclaimed as she showed us around the room andpulled the stirrups from the side of the bed. I think she was saying something about how long we'd belaboring in the room and how many people could bepresent to watch all the mysteries of life be revealedbut no cameras allowed... All I could think about washow everything looked cold and stark, and all I couldsee was metal everywhere.
"And here’s the spotlight so the doctors can geta good look at everything!" She then proceeded todemonstrate by turning the spotlight off and on at theend of the bed. A SPOTLIGHT?!
My eyes got so wide I looked like a white girl. Then they welled up with tears, I started to sniffle. Then I started crying. Right there in the labor and delivery room, in front of God, the nurse and all the other penguins I was crying. I just kept thinking, I’m not ready for this. I’ve never even spent the night in a hospital. I don’t know what to do. What if the people are mean? I didn’t feel like a 31-year-old mommy-to-be. I felt like I was 13 and so small.
As we padded down the hall to the recovery room, Travis held my hand and then held our paperwork so I could dig for tissues in my purse. "Are you feeling overwhelmed?" He asked. "I feel like an idiot," I said. No one else isblubbering like this. JUST KEEP IT TOGETHER, I kepttelling myself.
Nurse led us on to the nursery.... KEEP ITTOGETHER… There were two little babies- a boy and agirl who had just been born. Little girl baby had justbeen swaddled, and was fighting to break free. We could see this pile of blanket twisting and turning. The nursery nurse unwrapped little boy baby, and wecould see his tiny body all bright pink and cute. Weall uttered, "aww". Seeing the precious result of all that pain and fear makes you understand why people sayit’s all worth while.
Travis said that he too was feeling a little over whelmed till he saw those little babies and thenhe was excited about the whole process. Great. M ygoal of baby-bonding worked on him but apparently notso much on Me.
I kept it together till we got to the parking lot. Then I commenced to wailing again. "I'm not readyfor this." is all I kept managing to say. Travis just hugged me in the middle of the parking garage. It will be ok. We will be great parents. "I'm not old enough to be a parent." I sniffle as snot is now bubbling out of my nose. We hurry to the car so bystanders won't begin thinking I'm being abused or something. I finally calm down. "I think I'm just emotional," I say as we drivehome.
"It's ok," Travis says, "You cried when we moved out of our condo in Connecticut so I kind of figuredyou'd cry at being pregnant." We get home and I eat a big dish of Moose Tracks ice cream. The world is a safer place after eating icecream.
















April 4- Went to the doctor today....I'd like to sharesome of my observations after now having been 5 monthspregnant. If you've all been through pregnancy, canyou relate...?

MANIPULATION TACTICS:
I like to remind Travis that my ailments are partlyhis fault. So I give him daily- no HOURLY updates onmy headaches, stomachaches or backaches.
"You sure complain a lot," he says.
I retort, "It's because I'm carrying YOUR CHILD." After a good day of vomiting, he comes home and Itell him, "I threw up today because I'm carrying yourchild." He feels bad, gives me a hug, and offers tomake dinner. Hmmm. I'm wondering how far that phrasewill get me.
"Sweetie, will you make me a milkshake...becauseI'm carrying your child?""Honey, can you buy me a car- because I'm carryingyour child?" I'm going to use this tactic to see if he'll do the house cleaning for the rest of ournatural lives after I have to endure labor.

Loving compliments
I'm standing in the bathroom getting ready to leavefor the day. Travis walks up behind me, slips his warmhands over my growing belly and gently whispers intomy ear,
"Wow, you've really let yourself go!"
I laugh as a turn around and give him a hug-because I know later I'll slip a laxative in his coke.

Survival of the fittest
It's 4:30 AM, and I wake to that overwhelming need to pee. Due to our temporary living quarters, I'magainst the wall on a day-bed, and my only means of exit is the foot of the bed.
I try to rise but to my dismay, my protruding belly won't bend to let me situp! So I lay on my back, legs and arms floundering like an over-turned cockroach trying to get some momentum to roll over and scoot off the bed.
Travis, unaware of my plight, also awakens and decides his bladder too is full. Being (comparatively)faster and more agile, he bounds up off the bed like the cheetah and springs off ahead of me to the toilet. Defeated, I stop flailing momentarily and mutter into the darkness, "Dang it."****